Learning to love myself

I wanted to enjoy my new life.
Sadly it took longer than expected to escape.
And along the way,you got tired of waiting.
I keep hearing the phrase,'whatever does not kill you will make you stronger'.
But when you lose everything, you don't want to carry on. I was in so much pain, all I kept thinking about was ending my life.
Then I would be free of pain.

But in the end, I couldn't be so selfish.My son still needed a mum.
So I took tablets to numb the pain and stop the tears and helped me survive my blackest time of my life.
I am emerging slowly from the cloud which was hanging over me and the pain which was destroying my soul.
I thought God had deserted me too.But He was weeping with me.
Now I am learning to take each day, sometimes each hour at a time.
And I am trying to learn how to love myself.

I am back

Its been a while and I have much to tell you.
I am now sitting alone in my new house and am learning the art of enjoying my own company.I have been given a second chance. A fresh start. A new beginning.
I LOVE my new house and the freedom it brings.
I am happy and lonely, calm and feeling confused all at the same time.
I have yet to call this place home.
It will take time.
I was in shock for a while, feeling I was on holiday and would soon have to give back the front door keys and return to my old house.
But it is gradually sinking in that this is my house, my new house and this is real.
Its been a long time coming.
I don't regret anything.
Except the hurt I have caused.
But i could not have carried on with the life that I had.
It was killing me softly.