Permission to bleed

When my son was yonger , if he was ill I would always ask him what number pain was he feeling. He couldn't understand why I couldn't feel his pain.

So we devised a system of 1 to 10. 10 was really bad and 1 was nearly gone. It was a simple way of me working out if his pain was getting worse or better.
I used to want to take pain away from my friends whenever I saw them suffer emotionally. I guess I wanted to fix it so I would be the one in pain and they would be better. But I have learnt that life is not that simple and all I can do is to walk beside them in their pain and show compassion and respect for that person. This leaves me feeling helpless and useless and frustrated as I am a doer and want to DO more for that person. But the pain is theirs not mine and so it is not mine to take or bear.

So it is for me as I journey on over the next few months. No one can bear my pain or live my story as its mine to bear and live through.
You let me bleed when I need to , cry when I need to and howl when I need to. You give me permission and provide a safe space . You do not make me unhappy. You enable me to heal myself. Walk with me , be with me, as I find myself again.